Heart of gold
by Esotherica
Summary: After coming back to earth from a very unsuccessful mission of protecting Loki, Miriam is recruited to work with S.H.I.E.L.D. How will this life treat a confused frost giant girl?
1. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1. A failure indeed._

„Agent Covault, I'd like to see you in the conference room" voice of Nick Fury was coming from my radio. It was more than unusual, because the last time I saw him was my first time as well. I was working with S.H.I.E.L.D. for two years now, but there was always someone else giving me orders or walking me through the training process, never The Man himself „Agent Covault, do you copy?"

„On my way, sir" breathed I and started climbing the stairs, wandering what might be so important.

I remembered the day we met: he knocked on my door exactly three hours after I found the folder outside my apartment. To Nick Fury, three hours were enough to decide whether you want to take a life changing decision or not. And, well, at that time it was enough for me too. I had only two conditions: I never wanted to be responsible for any missions, as the only mission I ever had went to hell, taking me with it, and second, they shouldn't count on me turning into the frost giant, as that will never happen again. You could see that he wasn't happy with this, but he agreed, though I was pretty sure, the thought of breaking me sooner or later never left his head.

Was it that, then? Maybe after two years he finally realized that I meant what was said and there was no use of me anymore? _Well, whatever it was, I will know soon enough, _thought I opening the door to conference room. Nick Fury was sitting by a big table, looking through some papers.

"Please take a seat, agent Covault" he said not even bothering to look up "You've probably heard about the project we called "The Avengers Initiative". Well, I'd like to see a person who hasn't… Harder you try to keep it a secret, the more people will know about it." He closed the folder and pushed it towards me, "Avengers Initiative" was written on the cover. "It was a one-time success, but we want to change this. And that's exactly where you come in to the picture"

"I don't understand… Sir" said I looking through the folder. It had files on every so-called Avenger, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers and… Thor. There was a lump forming in my throat, after all this time I still wasn't ready to face what happened.

"Agent Romanoff told me you have great fighting skills, but more than that, you're good at persuasion and reading people." He noticed that I was still confused as none of this made sense to me. "Let's just say, we want to unite Avengers again. To have them in our sight at all times, to make them _want_ to work with us, so then if something happens there would always be a way to contact them."

"I still don't see how I can be of any help" deep deep inside I knew, but there was still hope I might've been wrong.

"We think Captain Steve Rogers is the most pliable of them all, and so it will be your responsibility to get him back to work with us."

"But we had an agreement" said I closing the folder and sending it back to him. "I refuse." This made Nick Fury… Well, furious. He stood up, placing his hands on the table leaning closer to me.

"I know we _had_ an agreement, agent Covault. But times change, people change, S.H.I.E.L.D. changes. We can not afford being stuck in one place, and as we move forward, people working with us have to move forward too." He moved away, turning his back on me and looking through the window "This is our city, our country, our planet and I feel responsible, because there is a chance we can protect them all. It was an order, Miriam. Agent Romanoff is waiting for you in your room, she will walk you through the process. I think we're done here."

I just sat there, dazzled with all that motivational bullshit he just gave me. Arguing with Nick Fury was impossible and so I just stood up and stormed out of the room, hoping he realized how much I hated him for this.

Just as Fury said, Natasha was already in my room when I came back. She saw how angry I was and just sat there silent looking at me. Bless her for that. We got pretty close while working together; she was not only my mentor but my friend too.

"You told him I had "great people skills", Natasha. What the actual fuck?" I finally spoke, crossing my arms and turning around to face her. "Great. People. Skills. And now I have to be his little bitch, running around, recruiting super heroes even though this little dream of his already failed miserably once."

"You know, that nothing can be hidden from him" she said apologetically and I hoped she actually felt guilty at least a little bit. "And stop whining, you got the best one, I'll have to go and reason with Tony. And there's Bruce too, I wander who's the lucky one."

"I'm not ready for this. All this time I was fighting and training, and then fighting again. And now he pushed me into something big, putting all this responsibility on my shoulders. What if I fail?" I was totally freaking out now, this was no game and there was no room for mistakes.

"Give yourself some credit" she smiled holding out a folder for me. "I put all the information about Steve here. You will meet him tomorrow; there is an event for the families of World War II that he will attend. Just get him to talk to you first, and then we will see how to proceed."


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2. Always_

I spent all night reading the material Natasha gave me. I already knew most of it, but there's always a reason behind everything people do or give you here, so I did my homework, and I did it as thorough as one could. By the time morning came I actually had every word memorized and my head was buzzing with information and anxiety, not a good mixture is you ask me. Since there was no point in going to sleep, I decided to go out for some coffee and fresh air.

I saw Clint as soon as I stepped out of the elevator, he looked distracted by his own thoughts. As always.

"I'm going for some coffee. It looks like you could use a good caffeine boost too" said I coming closer to him. I liked Clint, he was really honest, sometimes even too much, but that made things really easy when being around him. Since he and Natasha had some kind of bond, that none of them talked about, but everyone else saw, three of us spent lots of time together; he was like my older brother and I knew I could trust him with my life.

"Can't sleep?" Said he turning around and looking at me "Well you look… Awful"

"Yeah, thanks, buddy. And you're just a sight for sore eyes. So. Coffee?"

"As strong as it gets. Thank you"

Although there was a café in our building, I always chose to walk to a little coffee shop situated three blocks away. It gave me some room to breathe and clear my head, and, to be honest, coffee they sold there was million times better than that brown water they served back at our headquarters. I couldn't focus on things that surrounded me as all that master plan for tonight was distracting me badly.

There was only one block left, and as I turned left, I didn't notice a man coming from the opposite direction. We bumped into each other so hard I stumbled and almost fell on the concrete. He was pretty fast, catching my elbow and saving me from all that shame of falling on my nose in the middle of the street.

"Ugh. I'm so sorry, I was…" I couldn't talk anymore, because the same second I lifted my head to look at him every word in my head just disappeared. Except for one. "Loki?"

"You were Loki?" The man laughed sending all my common sense to hell. "That's an interesting comparison. But I think he wouldn't be sorry, though. Gotta run now, have a good one and try not to kill someone." he said smiling and started walking away as I stood there catching my breath and trying to put all the pieces back together. He looked like him, he even smelled like him, the eyes were the same, but at the same time he was a totally different person. What…?

"Sir, wait!" I shouted running after him. He turned around, still smiling and it was like his face changed completely. He wasn't Loki, nothing about this man resembled him even the slightest. "Um, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else. Have a nice day!" It was embarrassing and so I turned around and walked as fast as possible without starting to run. Only when I was inside the coffee shop, my brains reminded me of how to breathe, so I just stood there looking all stupid.

"Are you alright, darling?" A woman standing behind the counter asked after noticing me "It looks like you saw the devil himself"

"You could say so" I answered after few seconds "Beth, I'll take my usual. Oh, wait, make it two, I was spreading the word about your out-of-this-world coffee." Beth was an amazing woman; she knew when I wanted to talk and when it was better just to stay silent. Today was one of _those_ days.

"Here you go, love. I'll put in on your tab, so don't worry about money now" She said smiling as I reached for the cups.

"You're amazing. See you tomorrow!"

As soon as I was back and Clint saw me, his face changed from tired to worried. "You're okay?"

"No" I said giving him the coffee and took a big gulp myself, burning my tongue "Shit. I think I'm going crazy. I see things that are not there. Well, not things. People"

"What people?" I knew he had an idea, as he heard my story about what happened in Asgard. More than once, to be honest. And I wanted to tell him, I really did, but it was too crazy even in my own head and I knew how it would sound like when said out loud.

"Just people. People that weren't there. No big deal, Hawk, it just confused me a bit" He wasn't stupid, I knew that and this explanation wasn't good enough. "I'll leave you alone now, there's all that crap with Captain I still have to work on. Don't fall asleep."

I turned around and left so fast, that there was no time for him to question me about all this. I knew it will come up sooner or later, but when the choice was mine, I always went with _later_.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3. Where the wind blows_

I spent half of my day in the gym; that was always a good way to delay my problems. Lack of sleep definitely wasn't helping, but I managed to curb it with coffee and more exercise.

"You definitely need to take a good shower. Or else everyone at that ball will have a really bad time."

"Go to hell, Clint" I answered after stopping the treadmill and grabbing a bottle of water "I will have a bad time there, why shouldn't they?"

"Well, let's just say it's not very lady-like. Natasha said that the clothes for tonight are delivered and you should go back and make yourself look decent. The car will be there in two hours." I saw that something was bothering him, but there was no time to ask, since he just turned around and left. In the end, both of us were the same.

The car was there exactly on time, not a minute later. When you're working with S.H.I.E.L.D., precision is everything. It was really difficult to get used to this, we even had to undergo special military training, and trust me, after three months like this, when your entire daily routine is divided by seconds, even the toughest people crack. It made us nothing else than little tin soldiers, that ducks the same second they hear the command to. I don't know, how well that works out for us, but it definitely makes it so very easy for the authorities.

The driver met me in the lobby, handing out an envelope with fake IDs, instructions, phone numbers and a cell phone. It rang as soon as I got into a car, though it took me a moment to realize that it was for me.

"No cold feet?" It was Natasha, checking up on me, probably. Or going through the schedule. Or both.

"Not yet" I sighed still looking through the papers "Martha Caslin? Who thinks of those names?"

"Someone who definitely knows their job. They even bothered to put your college graduation pictures and some pieces of information under this name. If someone decides to check up on you, you will come out like a random Brown graduate with a really simple life"

"Oh, sometimes I wish… Never mind, is our plan the same?"

"Yes. Today is all about you making an impression on him, nothing more. Make him remember this evening." There was a short moment of silence on the other end "Good luck" and she hung up.

It all sounded so easy at first, but more I thought about it, more nervous I got. Every sentence has to be a lie, and every action has to be faked. I wasn't me anymore; I had to be Martha, sophisticated old-fashioned girl, someone Steve Rogers would notice. And for me he was just a little boy, who used to get some serious beating and never got over it, even after saving the world more than once. But, as shy and modest he was, Captain wasn't stupid, and if I stumble even a little bit, he would know.

I felt tired and sleepy, and maybe only because of this, my nervousness faded away a little bit. As we pulled over the entrance of New York City Hall I was ready to go in and have some fun, what happens later will happen no matter how many times I would bother myself with it. I fixed my hair and make-up for the last time and gracefully stepped out of the car. The sidewalk was already busy with people walking to the same direction as I did. Everyone looked happy and beautiful, smiling and chatting away with their spouses and friends. It looked more like a party, than a memorial for people who died in the war, protecting their families and the world.

There was a line-up by the door, but I was told, that my name was already on a VIP list, so I didn't need to wait. I started going through my purse, looking for my ID when I felt someone's presence behind me.

"You look gorgeous, Miriam" I heard a voice that sounded more like a gust of wind than an actual person "You could conquer the world looking like this"

I turned around as quick as possible, dropping all my papers on the floor. Off course I knew the voice, I heard it millions of times, I heard it whispering my name while making love… But no-one was there, just cold wind making me shiver even more.

"Is everything all right, ma'am?" I saw Steve Rogers himself coming towards me. Well, here goes my first impression of a weirdo who can not hold things in her hands.

"Oh, yes, too many things I got here" I said, trying to keep my voice calm, though every nerve in my body was sending stress signals to my brain. "Couldn't find my ID, mister…"

"Steve. Steve Rogers, ma'am." he said kneeling next to me and picking my things up "I think I found it, miss… Caslin"

"Oh, thank you very much." said I standing up and stuffing everything back into my purse. "And call me Martha. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"It's getting chilly outside, miss Martha, shall we go?" he said smiling and we started walking towards the entrance, though I couldn't abstain from looking around few times before we stepped inside.


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4. Past, Present, Future_

The event was just what I expected – a social gathering of rich and boring people who wanted to be entertained. I tried to stay as close to Captain as possible, but every once in a while interactions with other people were necessary. I don't remember how many times I had to talk about my fictitious grandfather who died at war and listen to others giving me similar stories. When the time for dances came, I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I was told to call Natasha, reporting every little detail of my evening, but as soon as I opened my cell phone, there were twenty missed calls from an unknown caller. I dialed Natasha's number and after one beep she answered.

"What the hell happened? We were trying to reach you all night." Her voice was worried and there were people shouting in the background. "Look, get out of there as soon as possible and come back, there's no time to waste"

"What happened?" I asked starting to feel tension in my stomach. Nothing was more important than this, and whatever caused them to abandon it, had to be really serious.

"Loki" Natasha said after a moment "He's back in this world" and exactly at that moment phone slipped out of my hands and crashed on the floor.

I didn't have time to even think or worry, if Loki is back again, that only means that something horrible happened in Asgard and the same thing can happen here too. I remembered that voice I heard earlier today, and the man on the street, in the end it wasn't my imagination, it was really him. If only I would've taken this seriously… But now was not the time for this and so I started running towards the exit, hoping, that he wasn't here anymore.

As soon as I was outside, I heard footsteps getting closer. Every cell, every nerve, everything told me to run faster, as the car was only around the corner, but my body simply stopped, turning around and facing whoever was behind me.

"Miss Martha, what happened?" It was Steve, and I saw deep concern in his eyes that grew even stronger after seeing my own expression. I had to think of what to do, since none of this was in the plans, but when everything goes to hell, honesty can't hurt.

"It's Agent Covault, Captain Rogers" I said looking around the empty street "I'm working with S.H.I.E.L.D. and it would be for the best if you'd come with me" I looked at him, hoping that fear in my voice would say more than actual words. Instead, he looked even more confused than before and so I had to come up with something cleverer. Or more honest… "Look, I lied to you, or just haven't told the whole truth, whatever you call it. I was sent here to make a contact with you, just that. But I just got in touch with Agent Romanoff, and we have a really big problem, so just, please, let's go and I will explain everything in the car."

We stood there for a while, looking at each other, and since there was nothing else that could've benn done, I just turned around and started walking. Few steps later I heard that he started walking too, and that made me feel a little bit safer. All I wanted was to get in the car and leave, just go, I didn't care for explanations or problems, or the questions. I just had to leave. Right now. I saw the car from the distance, but there was something else…

"You hurt my feelings, Miriam" I heard an icy voice coming from afar. I stopped just because I knew that voice too well. Steve was still walking when I grabbed his arm and made him stop.

"Captain, I know that might be hard for you, but I'd like you to stay right here. Don't move, don't talk." I whispered and started walking towards the car.

"You see, I always hoped that if we meet again, you will be… Happier." He stepped out of the shadow and looked at me grinning as usual. "And here you are - afraid and running away from only a thought of me."

"Loki" I heard behind me, as Steve Rogers started walking towards him. That was the worst case scenario, since deep in my mind I knew there was a possibility of Loki not killing us if I talked to him.

"Captain" I said turning around and looking at him "Just trust me with this. Please" I saw him fighting really heard, but he stopped and just looked back at me, giving a slight nod. I looked back at Loki who was still standing there and looking at both of us, waiting for what there is to come. I started walking slowly towards him again, until there were only few steps separating us.

"Loki" I started, and then realized my voice was trembling really bad "I don't know why or how you are here, but now is a really bad time for our rendezvous."

"Remember when you invaded MY world, Miriam?" He said coming even closer, making my heart almost stop. "I always wanted to see what would happen the other way around"

"I also remember how I almost died and was banished back to earth. It has been over two years, Loki. Don't pretend you want something from me and just let us go" The whole situation might've been scarier, if it wasn't the same man I once let into my head and into my bed. I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout out how he killed Coulson, I wanted to hit him, I just wanted to let everything out, but that impulsive side I once had was hidden deep deep inside me now. And so I just stood there not blinking, not looking away, not talking.

"You will remember again, I will make you remember if that's what you need" Loki whispered leaning closer and placing his hand on my cheek. "I will be back again, Miriam, when you least expect it." And he evaporated into thin air, leaving only a stinging print of his palm on my face.


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5. The new old beginning_

I stood there, staring at the empty space, that just a moment ago was him. The air smelled of Asgard, of the garden and the wind, and the sun, bringing so many memories. It has been two years, two very rough years, years of learning, fighting, integrating, but at the same time, it was the time of forgetting and moving on. I spent so many days, weeks, months thinking about him, and then learning how not to. In the end, despite everything I was, despite what I could be, and where I came from, in the end I was just human, controlled by emotions and memories.

We got into the car and all the time didn't speak a word. I wasn't there when Loki came to earth for the first time, there were news reports, but Captain witnessed it himself, and fought the war, and saw many people die just because of one man - the man he just saw coming back. I could only imagine what was happening in his head right now. At the same time, I had plans of my own, so we just proceeded in silence, until I heard a phone ring. They had another cell phone in the car, just in case something happens.

"Agent Covault" it was Nick Fury, just as I expected "Report"

"I'm in the car, sir. With Captain Rogers" I looked at him, but he was just staring out the window, not really paying attention to anything "We will be there in five minutes, have someone ready to meet us" and I closed the phone. All I needed was someone to greet Captain and take him to Fury, he would tell the story himself, and that was all I needed.

"Driver, can you stop here?" I said after a second. It had to be done, and done precisely. Steve raised his head this time like he knew what I was about to do. "Captain, there will be agents to take you to Director. Our paths part here, I'm afraid. It was real honor getting to know you and I can only hope you will forgive me for lying to you" I said and smiled at him.

"I don't think I understand"

"And you don't need to, the less you know, the better. Tell Nick Fury, that it had to be done" I said and got out of the car slamming the doors behind me. "Go!" I shouted and stood in the middle of the street, looking at the car disappearing after few blocks.

Now was the moment that I felt proud of myself. Before leaving the headquarters I took my apartment keys, it was just for a precaution, if anything happens, and so it did. I knew they would look for me there first, but I needed only ten minutes. There was a cab coming, and it stopped right next to me.

"You need a ride, miss?" a driver said after rolling his window.

"In fact, yes, I do" I answered and got into a car. "Abermale Road 245, please. And I will play twice the rate if you ignore the traffic lights." As soon as we started moving I remembered one more thing. I was still holding the phone in my hands, and there was no doubt they could trace it. I lowered the window and threw it on the concrete.

It didn't take long to arrive. I looked around the silent neighborhood that once was mine as we stopped right in front of my building. "Leave the motor running. I'll be back in fifteen minutes" I said, got out of the car and started running. Once I entered my apartment I had very little time to think of all the things I might need.

It was just as I've left it two years ago, well, except all the dust, off course. I proceeded to my bedroom, changing into comfortable clothes and footwear. I decided to leave my dress and everything here, it doesn't matter, even if they come, they will know I've been here from all the prints on dusty surfaces. The box I left under the bed was still there, and so I took a gun, few boxes of bullets and a knife from it. In the back of my closet there was an old traveling bag that I took and threw the knife, bullets and some clothes into. I ran to the kitchen, tearing the linoleum of and opening my secret stash with money. After what happened with my mom many years ago, I decided to always be ready for everything that might come my way. I knew there was more than enough to cover my expenses for few months. I probably didn't have that much time anyways, but I took them all.

It took me less than 10 minutes to get back to the car. The problem was, I had no idea where to go next. Every step was planned, but not this one.

"Take me to the…" I started, still thinking "You know what, take me to the most remote motel you know" There was no place I could go, I didn't know anyone, except the people working with me at S.H.I.E.L.D., and, well, all of them were out of the question.

We drove in silence, as I was staring out of the window, leaving my old life behind. Again. I was sick of running and trying to change things, and dealing with it over and over again. I was so so tired of this crazy life I chose. I knew Loki had some weird twisted interest in me, and as long as I'm inside S.H.I.E.L.D., it was a threat for everyone and everything. And I couldn't have it on my shoulders.


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter 6. The mortals and the gods_

I ended up in a really old and cheap motel, where middle-aged poor men usually brought prostitutes to have their five minutes in heaven with. The room smelled of bad tobacco, cheap alcohol and sex. Windows were all nailed shut, covered with greasy faded curtains that have been gathering dust for ages now. I looked around slowly, evaluating every piece of furniture at the room, though it wasn't much to look at: a table with two patio chairs, small bed and a dresser. I knew I couldn't be picky, didn't have time to bother myself with it, but, shit, this was a really poor choice…

I emptied my bag, leaving only money inside and tucked it under the bathtub. You couldn't see it unless you knelt on the bathroom floor, and help me god, I had no idea why would anyone want to do it. Ever. I put my clothes to the dresser, hiding bullets and a knife under them. _Well, so much for a settling in _I thought taking another look around the room. I knew there was a call-box few blocks away from here, so I decided to go out and make some calls.

"Natasha," I started after hearing her voice on the other end.

"What the fuck are you doing?" She was really angry and her usually soft and calm voice was shaking "Where are you?"

"Away," I couldn't tell her anything and that was killing me, but it had to be done the right way. "Listen, Captain probably told you about our Loki incident already. He wants something from me, Tash, and he won't stop. It's safer if I'm away from you or Clint, or anyone he might have a grudge against."

"He has a grudge against the whole world" She answered trying to reason with me, but I knew her all to well "Or are you planning to run away from that too?"

"If it comes to this… Listen, he's distracted, and it only gives you more time to work this all out." I knew I had to say my good-byes now, as they could still trace my location. "I have to go now, Natasha."

It was a sorry ass good-bye, but I just couldn't force myself to say those words out loud. Maybe because deep inside I knew Loki couldn't kill me. It was naïve and foolish of me, because no one knew what happened to him in those years or what he was after again. I could only hope that our short time together was to my advantage.

It was nearly morning when I came back to my room and took a shower. The bed sheets surprisingly were clean, though covered with dust, but I was so tired after many many hours without sleep that it all didn't matter even the slightest. I put my gun under the pillow, rolled on my stomach and fell asleep holding my hand on the handle.

The creak of the floor woke me up. I didn't move or open my eyes, I just lay there, fastening my grip on the handle and listening to the noises. Someone was in my room; I knew that, I could hear the faint breathing and footsteps that were softened by a carpet. Whoever it was, it had time to kill me already, and this thought made me feel even more scared. It took a second for me to evaluate, where that person was and I sat up in the bed, aiming my gun at him.

"Geez, put it down, Miriam" It was Clint and I started swearing at him "Or do you think you can kill Loki with this?"

"What is your problem?" I shouted at the top of my lungs now "Next time I swear to god I will shoot you, so you'd learn a lesson. And how the hell did you find me?"

"It's quite a home you made here." He answered looking around and smiling faintly at me "Natasha tracked the number down. Don't worry, no one else knows."

I fell back on my pillow, covering my eyes with a blanket. "Why are you here?"

"To check up on you. I see you have a gun already, but I still brought you some supplies" He dropped a bag on the table "I guess there's no way I could talk you into coming back?"

"You got that right" I said looking up at him. He was worried, but still quite amused. I missed him, that bastard. "Now let me sleep, Hawk" I buried my head under the pillow and waited. I had to hold back the tears, but it was for the best. He stood there for a while, but after couple of minutes I heard the doors closing. I just lay like this for a while, feeling both happy and sad and still thinking, which feeling was the stronger one, when I heard the doors opening again.

"Damn it, Clint, I told you to…" but I felt silent the same second I saw that it wasn't Clint after all. It was Thor, he stood just few steps away from the door, still looking at me with that same disgust he had two years ago. _And I waited for the other brother to cause problems…_ I thought before opening my mouth "Thor. What's happening?"

"Loki escaped." He said after few minutes of eyeing me. At that moment I felt like he expected Loki to appear from under the sheets… _Wait, that was the whole fucking point, wasn't it?_

"I have no idea where he is." I said sharply and that got him out of his high horse. Fucking arrogant Asgardians, I was so over that nonsense "Now if you mind leaving the room, it'd be greatly appreciated." I knew that he still didn't believe me, but there was nothing I could do. And even if there was, I really didn't want to. I still looked at him, analyzing his reaction, hoping he would catch a hint and would go do something meaningful, like finding his psycho god of a brother. After a minute Thor turned around and opened the door, on his way out he stopped for a while turning his head back just a little bit.

"He said he was going to bring you back."


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter 7. You can never be too sure_

Do you know, what keeps us all alive? The survival instinct. It's that little voice in our heads, the voice of reason, telling us to run. No matter, whether you're a child or a banker, a waitress or a soldier, if you see a threat, you run, you hide, you leave and you definitely never look back. That's what keeps us alive. Dishonorable, but alive. The main thing they train you for at S.H.I.E.L.D. is ignoring that. If your mind screams "run" you run and catch the bullet in the head, if that means protecting someone else's life that way. You never back down and every second of the way you are ready to greet death.

You can call it honorable death. But there's always a question, can death really be honorable? Thousands of people die every day, even every minute; they die alone, surrounded by their own blood and no one ever talks about it. What good can you do when you're dead? Be someone else's ticket to live? No. I'd better run and hide, and think of a plan, and then save the world. Being smart and rational, this is what makes us superior.

And that was exactly what I did. I ran, and I hid, but the only problem was - there was no plan. My head was empty when it came to this, I had nothing.

I knew he wasn't here just because of me. He wanted something else, I was just a prize, his little queen he would have sitting by his throne once he gets that something he actually came here for. It wasn't hard to figure out that the only thing Loki ever wanted was power and recognition. He needed people bringing him flowers and worshiping him, kneeling in front of him and whispering his name before they go to sleep. It was Loki's true nature, not love or sentiments.

It has been two weeks since I saw him that night and I still had nothing. It was two weeks, and he didn't come to "claim his undying love". I actually grew tired of cheap motels and never-ending waiting. I knew my idea was stupid beyond words, but I had to do it – I had to talk to him. I grabbed my knife and left the room, heading to an abandoned playground situated right next to the motel. I was pretty sure he could've tracked me wherever I was, just like Thor, and sooner or later, Loki will be here.

I sat on the swings, which surprisingly weren't broken, and waited. An hour has passed and by that time I had my doubts, and quite frankly, I was getting cold.

"Quite sad scenery, don't you think?" I heard a faint whisper behind me. His voice still had the same impact and at the back of my brain I just wanted to embrace him, kiss him, and make love to him.

"Fits the occasion" I said, standing up and turning around to face him "Why the hell you're here, Loki?"

"Well, I was under the impression, you wanted to see me" I couldn't look away, his face, his eyes, that evil grin, his long fingers now holding chains that the swings were held by, that arrogant posture he always had… Everything about Loki was mesmerizing, and you couldn't completely hate him. It was humanly impossible.

"Oh yes, I wanted to see you," I answered, trying to hide everything I felt at that second "to ask why the hell you're here, Loki?"

"I am pretty sure Thor already told you about my intentions" he said taking few steps forward "Way to spoil a surprise."

"I think we have a little problem, then" I said crossing my arms on my chest. I wanted to move away, take few steps back, but then he would see I was intimidated, and there's one rule you follow when talking to Loki – you never show any emotions. Ever. "I am not yours to claim. And I have no intentions of going anywhere with you." I saw his expression changing to anger and after a moment he was standing right in front of me, both of his hands placed on my shoulders and his eyes locked up on mine.

"You are not lying" he murmured, I tried to break free, but his grip was so tight, I knew that it will leave me with some nasty bruises

"Why are you so surprised, Loki? We've been together for less than a week, and now two years have passed. Did you really believe I spent all this time waiting for you?"

"I said I will make you remember" he whispered not even listening to me and leaned in, placing his lips on mine.

I was suddenly overwhelmed, every memory flowing back into my mind, bringing every emotion I felt when with him. My first dream about him, how I kissed him, how happy I felt at that second. My head was a mess, I couldn't stand straight anymore, making him move his hands from my shoulders to my waist, holding me tightly. The time we spent talking, that feeling of freedom I had around him, our night together, him murmuring into my ear, liquid lust pumping through my veins. I couldn't fight him; I didn't want to, so I just closed my eyes and gave in.


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8. The heaven inside me_

_A/N: Just so you little pure innocent souls know, this chapter is pure smut. Or sex. Or sin. Whatever you call it. Consider yourself warned._

Everything just disappeared. The pain, the fear, every doubt I had, every instinct that kept me alive so far. I dismissed it all, giving in, claiming what was rightfully mine. I never needed anything else, _anyone_ else but him, we were one, we were inseparable, we were complete. I didn't care, even if the earth stopped spinning - this was my heaven.

I was so caught up in the moment that it took me some time to realize we weren't in the playground anymore. I opened my eyes just for a moment, noticing that we were back in Asgard, standing in Loki's chambers.

"Loki…" I moved away a little bit, still stunned with what just happened.

"Questions can wait," he said, placing a finger on my lips "And I have waited too long."

All my questions disappeared once he leaned in again, placing his lips on mine, kissing me so passionately, I forgot even my own name. A shiver of sheer lust rocketed through me and I let out a silent moan, placing my hands on his head, feeling his hair between my fingers, pulling him even closer.

Oh, I've dreamed about this so many times… So many days and nights spent recalling how it felt being held in his arms and being kissed the way no other man could. But no memory could even start to compare to the way I felt now. My every nerve was on fire, sending waves of pleasure up my body, making me breathe faster every time I felt his fingers trailing down my spine. Both of us were hungry, hungry and impatient now, ripping each other clothes, not even bothering to stop and unbutton it. Just like he said before, we both had done our waiting.

I found myself leaning against the wall now as its cold surface sent shivers down my spine, adding one more feeling to the bunch. His mouth left mine and now he was kissing, licking and biting his way through my body, stopping just a little bit longer on my nipples sucking and gently biting them, making me week in the knees, battling the need to just slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the floor.

I felt his fingers slowly making their way down, teasing me, making me want to beg. He pushed my thighs wider and wider apart, his fingers moving boldly between my legs. Loki lifted his head, looking deep into my eyes once his fingers were focused on my clit, rubbing it gently, light touches, just enough to drive me mad.

„You're such a tease" I managed to grunt, my voice trembling from another wave of pleasure.

He removed his hand slowly, silencing my objection with a kiss, placing his both hands on my thighs and lifting me up, just enough for me to wrap my legs tightly around him, feeling his erection between my legs, moving my hips just a little bit. Now it was my time to tease. He moaned into my mouth, turning around and carrying me to bed.

The bed was my place to shine, my time to take over control. I positioned myself on top of him, onto his thighs, onto his thick cock. I gasped for air, once he slid inside me, my weight aided in my own penetration, pushing me further down his length so that he went even deeper. My body was rising and falling, my thighs flexing as I lifted myself completely off him only to slide back down.

I felt Loki's hands on my thighs, guiding me, making my movements more even, picking up the speed a little bit making me slam myself down onto him faster and faster. I felt it coming, I knew it wouldn't last long, as waves of intense pleasure were now building up between my legs. My vision got blurry, and I arched my back hitting just the right spot over and over again until everything exploded, every muscle in my body tensing up as I gasped for air and moaned his name trying hard not to scream.

I felt him moving, rolling on top of me now, whispering my name to my ear, kissing my neck, biting my shoulder. He thrusted deep, rammed me with all his strength few times until the sweet release came to him too, and I felt his warmth filling me up as he collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily to my neck, now both of us trembling and gasping for air.

"Definitely not what I expected" he murmured once our heartbeats felt steadier, turning me around and now holding me in his arms, placing soft kisses on my forehead, stroking my hair lazily.

I allowed myself the pleasure of being held and reassured in his strength. I couldn't talk, not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't find the right words. I heard his heart beating and that was worth more than thousands of words. I felt safe, I felt loved, I felt complete when with him. All my fears and panic disappeared completely and the sleep I lacked so much slowly took me over.


End file.
